You have to appreciate this for the effort, if nothing else. Adam Bertocci has re-written the entire script of The Funniest Movie Ever (as awarded by me) in the hand of the Bard. Behold:
Yea, but verily—
That rug, in faith, tied the room together, did it not?
By my heart, a goodly rug.
And in most miserable tide did this rogue besmirch it.
Prithee, Donald! Thou too eagerly hold’st the mirror up to nature.
My mind races; I might endeavour to seek this gentleman Lebowski.
His name is Lebowski? Verily, ope thine ear; that is thy name, Knave!
On good authority; and his nobleness must oblige. His wife taketh up quarrel and borrows, and they bespoil my rug.
Marry, sir, my heartstrings do you tug;
They urinate upon thy damnèd rug.
And the great Julianne Moore art scene:
Permit me to explain about the rug—
What cares have you, Lebowski, upon love?
Alack, lady, thy question does me vex.
The physicality of making love;
I’d have you tell me if you like it well.
A myth persists on women of my stripe,
That our body politic renders us in hate
Of acts of love; a most injurious lie.
The enterprise can have in it much zest.
But men who walk with satyrs in the morn
And women swimming nightly ‘twixt the nymphs
Are punished by Oberon for sin
And do the deed compulsively engaged,
Sans joy, sans love, sans everything.